Insolent NDN

My people view at the world in what English language refers to as dualism or binaries. We look for the balance in two opposites and seek to keep that balance. We believe in roles, we believe in callings. We believe that our creators gave us each a song and we are to live in a way that brings harmony to the community. Pre-Columbian historians have written that the Cherokee were more dualistic, more rigid in our roles than other nations surrounding us. Perhaps. Depending on the lens utilized to analyze our traditions, we may appear inflexible, or we may look secure in our lives, roles and callings.

I share the above because I believe it is crucial to understand the a bit of the lens I use to view the world – the template I use to organize my personal narrative so that the following is not set within European terms that may appear similar, but, in fact, are in opposition to my peoples’ traditions because our traditions were not conceived in greed and birthed in colonialism. Cherokee separation of roles is based in mutual respect for the other person’s power – not in fear. The following assertions are based in the same mutual respect; I honor a person’s right to identify as one chooses but I do have thoughts on the process of light-skinned people of color and mixed identity where one may identify as white and ___________ or white with some color down the pike.

I am a light skin woman of color. I have written extensively on the need for light skins to acknowledge the privileges conferred upon us by virtue of our lightness; I have written of the burden that is ours to take up off our darker brothers and sisters if and when we are mistaken for white. I believe in responding in love and in truth, communicating with a community vision first and foremost in our minds instead of allowing individualism to consume us. I believe in the plurality of our stories and our right to tell them. I believe that there is not “I” only “We.” I have written of my personal journey to nourish myself with what I carry inside me, from my own gifts, and find validation in what I am and not in external compliments and accolades.

With all of the above in mind I turn to the binary of white and of color that is so often rejected by people of color and people without color. I do not choose to reject the binary because outside the realm of postmodernism, the binary is real. As a light skin standing in the doorway of whiteness, I have felt the lure of being of color and being without color when it is convenient but identity is not convenient when identity is an expression of your essence. Light skins often have a choice if we can pass for white in the larger world. There is cost and consequence if we choose whiteness, and while some would argue that the price is worth it, I would argue that the price is our soul – both the individual and collective soul. I have seen light skins pass as white with and without intention and the internal triumph and turmoil that accompanies it. I believe there comes a time when one needs to choose where one stands because one cannot stand with a foot in whiteness where one can play in the privilege conferred upon one and claim to be a person of color when it is convenient. I see those of us whom may pass to have a responsibility to our communities, and that responsibility is to reject whiteness at every opportunity while still acknowledging the privilege that light skin brings us. Is it a heavy load? Yes. The cost of not carrying it, well, that is math one may need to do on one’s own.

I have come to this conclusion after years of dealing with people describing themselves as parts, pieces, and fractions. I have seen friends, family, acquaintances, enemies and strangers tear themselves into pieces and rearrange them to fit any given situation. We may feel torn, we may feel burdened, we may feel betrayed, we may feel that we are not paying enough homage to kin and ancestors. To this I say: STOP. If one continues on this path – walking a forked road – one will be torn into two. Light skins need to stop the drama, the tragic mulatto bullshit and be who we are at our core, as I believe it is much more difficult to be light skinned than to dabble in whiteness. Yet if that identity is white in the white world with a white mind then so be it, but don’t play in the dark and come out so bright and shiny white when the going gets tough, because it will get tough and stripped to the bone this world sees white and other. Darker people of color don’t even get to think about playing this game much less participate in it; this hopscotch back and forth between identities depending on what is convenient is a slap in the face to those who do not have said privileges and a betrayal of our community.

Strong words, I write. I say this to my light skin brothers and sisters because I care for us. We have our own baggage, so be it. We may be insecure in who we are in this world, we may be wandering astray still looking for acceptance and community, family and kin. We may be stringing together our lives because the consequences of colonization have been fully visited upon us. We have pain. Yet that pain does not give us license to take leave into the white world when it suits us. When we stand so near to whiteness it is our responsibility to fight the assimilation, the appropriation, the pure cannibalization of our peoples. People without color look to us to be bridges – to make the aforementioned more palatable. I posit that it is our duty to stand on the front lines and say NO. I am NOT white. I am NOT going to be taken as white because it will get me out of a shitty situation. I will not cop to being half this or part that because it is more appetizing to the white mindset that greedily consumes anything construed as exotic. White folks don’t want us, let’s not fool ourselves, what they want is for us to want to be them. I refuse to play that game. I will let go of the idea that being a person of color denies a white parent or ancestor; I will let go of the tired myth that I must be wringing my hands over my right to be a person of color or caught between two worlds.

I do not mean to make light of the very real dilemmas light skins face with regards to identity; it is a process because we are made to believe that we have to perform this script that has been written. There is no script, but there is a choice in the privilege that we receive thanks to being so near to that light, bright and almost white ideal. The choice is to take the burden off of our darker brothers and sisters. The choice is to acknowledge differences among us with mutual respect, honesty and humility. Make that choice; carry the water or do not carry the water my elisi would say. My people believe that god gave us each a song so we know who we are – get to know who you are and be that person.

I am the lucky one no matter my struggles. I am blessed, I am grateful. Is there anything better in this world than being Tsalagi, belonging to the historic eastern band, walking strong with my weya clan, being my mother’s daughter, being an extension of Selu and Kana’ti? In my eyes, no, there is nothing more sacred, more special than these. At the end of the day any promise of whiteness and its doors and pleasures are smoke and chaff. I hope it is similar for my sisters and brothers – keep what is sacred close to you.