Who Sets the Size Acceptance Agenda?
The context of this post is layered in this, this, this, this, and especially this.
I was up all night, or rather dreaming all night about these conversations, because this is exactly the issue and almost an exact replica of what took me off the internet almost five years ago. I wanted to become less fat because after five years of undergrad the extra 30 pounds I put off from my stable, comfortable weight of 230-235 had me pretty damn uncomfortable. How had I gained the weight? Lots of soda and Nerds candy. Literally. All day, every day. How did I get that much weight off before going on my first diet - walking and stopping the soda and the Nerds candy. Was that health at every size or was that dieting? I don’t know - I went in with the notion of just stopping what I knew was causing the problem but also of becoming reduced fat.
The thing with dieting (and I think of lots of things in this arena like elective plastics, etc.) is that it’s a body autonomy issue but also a larger social issue. We can’t solve fat oppression by losing weight because fat oppression is just that - oppression - so me losing 30 pounds doesn’t do much, it definitely does not make me an activist one way or the other because I don’t think you can solve larger social problems by changing your body - but you can make yourself whatever, and I struggle with an adjective because who knows how one will feel. I applaud Kate Harding when she writes here that she is not gonna put up with dieting talk on her blog. Fucking ace, thank god someone is making a decision, as I’ve been too overwhelmed with the wishy-washiness of Fatshionista to even think anyone would dare make such a declaration. Maybe she read Delux Viven’s IBARW post? Spaces with boundaries are hella more productive than some of this “open-minded, winner-take-all” shit.
It’s not politically solvent to have macro-issued body autonomy statement for the fat activist cause because dieting is antithetical to a size acceptance movement… but there’s some in between room to maneuver. Frankly, I am for the stay the fuck out of my business route of behavior. What I am eating, how I am moving, is none of anyone’s concern and I want to hear about the virtures of healthy fat people as much as I want to hear about how fat will give you cancer, asthma, well, everything but a new BMW. I am recovering from an ED(s) and I love food the way the kids on Top Chef love food and that’s what I want to talk about - someone call the French in so we can get this shit sorted out, otherwise known as I just don’t care about you’re diet or your HAES plan or if you sit in plaid shorts on your corduroy lounger eating sweet potato fries and watching Adam Beach movies (moi? nevah!) all weekend. Eat what you want, I don’t care, and I care even less when people talk food = disease. Work one week on any floor in a major hospital and you will see there is NO statistical significance to fat and disease, any disease. Studies be damned I know what I’ve seen in five years of being up close and personal in oncology, cardiac, pulmonary, general med, and myriad other floors. If you want to eat X way so that you feel Y so good, go for it! It’s germane to my rant.
If you’re still following me, I want to touch on something even larger than the dieting elephant and that is fat and too fat. I am just about done with the pissing in the wind about how all fat people are equal under oppression. Give me a fucking break already. Not only is there rarely a mention of race, class, gender or geography anywhere in this we are all fat paper dolls bullshit, but there is no recognition that to be 400 pounds and not fit into airplane seats, chairs at movies, booths at restuarants is a whole different can of worms than being niggled by Aunt Patty on Turkey Day that you could be so pretty if you lost that last 20 and got down into a size 10. I love that Natalie writes:
It’s okay to be fat, but not too fat. If you’re really fat, you’ll be grudgingly accepted, but you’ll be made aware of the fact that really, your body’s not acceptable to them, either. If you’re bigger than size 26 or heavier than 300 pounds, you’re off in no-man’s land. There’s lip service paid to being accepting of all fat people, but I’m here to say that I’m not really feeling the love.
Are other non-inbetweenies, fat folks feeling this? Because I sure have, even when I was a size 12 and the thinnest I’ve ever been. I hate fucking flawnologies, as y’all know, HATE them, but damn if this whole thing doesn’t remind me of some colorism. Yeah, we all people of color but some of us take the bat to the head more often simply because of the hierarchy of oppression that to be dark (and usually Black) is the bottom of the line - and other people of color benefit from that blow being directed away from us. So fat folks, maybe take a look at that, yeah, you fat but there is a better, if not right way, to be fat in this western world and it’s usually the hour-glass shape, or any shape that has some thick ass, small waist and some boobs. Hell, I’ll cop to admitting this is the shape I love on women; it’s hot. Damn hot and if you look like this all the power to you (photos appreciated) but those of us without the measurements, the femme look or anything else that makes fat slightly more acceptable, just acknowledge that shit, a little acknowledgment goes a long way - and damn if we don’t need to start talking about all of this *waves hand in circles above my head like a woman with too little coffee* in terms of race, class, gender, and geography. If I read on more POS article about bigger women of color being more at peace with their body and their menz loving our bodies and generally having this experience of love and prosperity, I am going to shoot someone. Hell fucking yes, most some communities of color are not mired down in this thin is in shit but come the fuck on, people of color are everywhere - you don’t think we interact by the minute with white men and women who are intriguingly disgusted with us on every level or get the local news? No matter our size, people of color’s bodies are public domain ’round this world.
Further, I am sick of the we’re all in the same boat or carve out a space for yourself in this movement - I am all for action (solution-focused therapist here!) but how about some folks with a bit more privilege strutting around in the jeans they didn’t have to mail order, leaving some room open for that discussion? I’m just sayin’. Because I am sick and fucking tired of hearing all about how there is self-determination when it comes to deciding if one is fat (because anyone not a size 2 is fat says Cosmo) versus self-determination if one wants to actively do something (HAES or dieting or what the fuck ever) to lose some weight. Self-determination is self-determination, body autonomy is body autonomy, I don’t see how you can have it both ways or lilly-dilly around on some slope where it’s okay 34% of the time but that’s it!
In summation, all fat bodies, all bodies are acceptable, or at least that’s the goal, right? That’s my version of sunshine and butterflies. But. I am also living in a world where my 244 pound apple-shaped, NDN-looking self is not as acceptable as someone who look like Kate Harding or The Rotund/OnceUpon; why is that like screaming fire in a crowded theatre to say? It’s not a matter of me not carving a place out for myself, because, really, is that ever a problem for moi *lol* but a larger issue within an activist community that continually plays the proverbial ostrich by ignoring that the world treats folks differently based on how fat they are, how close their bodies come to the the norm. It ain’t about playing down an inbetweenie’s irritation with her colleagues urging her to diet to get into those new Juicy pants or implying that a thick hourglass doesn’t get shit for not being rail-thin, hanger like model for couture designed for children women. I just would like some realism up in these discussions, some expansions up in these discussions (why are all these folks white as far as I can tell?!), and someone with some ovaries to say yeah, okay fat is good, all fat is accepted in the movement (and should be in this world) but in this life your fat gets you different treatment than it gets me especially when you add some of those innocuous *lol @ my snark* factors like race, color, and class into the equation.
The think I keep trying to reiterate is that fat people of different sizes have different experiences and those experiences are all valid but they are all DIFFERENT and we need to respect that.
That said, I want to make sure you aren’t comparing my body to Kate’s body and thinking we are the same size - I weigh over 300 pounds and I’m 5′4″ and my ass has ceased to fit in even the largest sizes at most stores.
I DO think people have the option to diet or not as they see fit - but I get to decide who talks about what in my space, you know? As for fats, if you see it, call it out or call it to our attention. While there are more mods, we absolutely still miss stuff with the volume of posts. And, on a personal level, I know that fats has never been intended to be a truly safe space - which means we’re never going to banish that topic entirely, even though I am SO DAMN TIRED of some of the conversations we keep having, you know?
I keep coming back to this because you have thrown a lot out there with this post.
I DON’T think it is like yelling fire in a theater to bring up differences in how fat people are treated based on relative fatness and shape. It comes up in discussion a very great deal.
Re: race, I have no idea why so many people who are vocal on this topic are white. It most assuredly has something to do with privilege - it is the oppression on which I focus because I don’t have the oppressions of race, color, and (for the most part) class to also struggle with. I can’t change that about myself but I can encourage other voices just as inbetweenies can’t make larger fats post in fatshionista, I can’t make other people share their stories.
I am *all about* deciding what gets published on a private space, hence my adoration of Kate when she spelled that out, and I believe you have a similar policy on your blog. I have nothing but love for defined spaces.
I know you and Kate are different sizes and I may be wrong, or not wrong but have a minority opinion, that you both lovely shapes and while at somewhat opposite ends of the spectrum of fat are both “pretty women” and it’s not that’s an awful thing, pretty is good. I wrote this a year ago and I will completely cop to seeing a lot of improvement in the areas I rant about in the above, the best example I can think of is a post at Fats today by CatchingStars about shape/size and privilege within a fat fashion community. I about fell down happy to read that one.
I am glad you don’t think it’s like yelling fire, because that’s the response I’ve gotten at other venues and it’s frustrating. I see that changing now, hopefully.
As for why more WOC are involved, I won’t deign to speak for all women of color, but I feel like I am not even in the same book as a lot of folks. Like fats says it’s anti-racist but there’s always the same 200+ comments that come down the pike when someone mentions cultural appropriation and other racial offenses. I don’t feel the need to have a 101 discussion with women who purport to be in the cause for me, I don’t want to go over and over the same thing again and again. As a movement or a community, both need to recognize the inherent connection of the oppressions or I am gone. That’s me. On top of that, well, there’s the whole “women of color are so happy in their bodies” myth that goes around pretty consistently. And, because there is so much debunking that needs to happen in my tiny community, where fat = diabetes, that must be done, fighting with white women over sticking feathers in their hair while they try to appropriate my identity* comes in almost last, if not always last.
* refers to a post on Fats in Jan. 2008
Saying that you can’t focus on oppression because you don’t experience it? Well, what’s the point of anti-racism then? What’s the point of me seeing that I do have a dog in every fight even when I don’t personally experience a physical disability, have a same-sex partner or have experienced rape or assault. *I* bring it up because I can, I have the privilege, in some situations of being listened to simply because I am NOT a part of the group I seek to advocate for. So no you cannot talk about what it is like to be a woman of color, but that doesn’t mean you can’t talk about or explore why more WOC are not involved in fat acceptance. And because you are white more people are apt to listen to you in the first place even if it is a recapitulation of what POC have said. And yes you can’t make anyone share their stories but you can contribute to an atmosphere where more people would WANT to. And not just you - but a general you.
I’m not saying you CAN’T focus on an oppression because you don’t experience it - I’m saying because I don’t experience other forms of oppression, I have more time and energy to speak about the oppression I DO experience. It’s exactly as you say it - talking about fat is last on the list when someone is trying to coopt your identity. No one is doing that to me so I have time to think about fat stuff.
I will totally cop to being not as good about speaking up on a regular basis as I should about other oppressions. My audience, I always assume, is right there with me on these things. I find myself having the racism 101 discussion a lot more on Livejournal than I do on The Rotund. Anyway, I do need to speak up more on that front. And that goes for other oppressions in general.
It’s so weird - I try to keep The Rotund super focused on fat issues because it is a fat blog but there are so many intersections of social justice issues that it is sometimes really difficult to discuss only fat stuff.
Appropriation is ALWAYS a hot topic in fats. It has come around a couple of times in the years in which I have been a member and there are some people who are just seriously burnt out on the fight. It’s really frustrating to me because it is the same people who seem to shut down discussion time and time again but because we support diversity, we have to support their right to be stupid and narrow about stuff, too. UGH. Least favorite part of my modding job there, let me tell you!
The conversation in Fats today about the different experiences of an inbetweenie and a larger fat person was great. I was ALL over that, let me tell you! And I was really glad that it didn’t devolve into people running the conversation into the ground talking about how dumb it is to talk about this stuff. *eyeroll*
I actually just found the link to your post today, which is why I was responding. I didn’t even realize the date on it until after I’d left a comment already and then I was all still thinking about it.
You know, the more I try to express this the more I think part of the “problem” is that I know several women of color who are involved in talking about fat issues. Not just outside blogs but on lj and in real life. So while I have an intellectual knowledge that there aren’t many WOC who are writing in stand-alone blogs, I look around and see several in my immediate circle. So there is a weird dichotomy.