Insolent NDN

A friend linked me to this tacky piece of erotica this other day and I swear I had to read the dialogue verbatim to convince myself that hero really did say: “Fucking her ass. Saving her life.” Because, really, what the fuck is that?! This book takes the place of Marry A Man Who Will Dance, which opens with these immortal words:

The Harley roared and bucked and writhed under his muscular thighs as wildly as a fresh border whore. And since he was half-Mexican and half-Anglo, and oversexed to boot, Roque Mayo was just the man to know.

You know I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried. Worst Book Ever Award, this book haz it.

Out of the goodness of her heart, sent me two Cassie Edwards novels that focus on my nation, so good of her after I tortured her (and there will be more torture to come) with winning lines out of Edwards’ Savage Honor, which include but are not limited to: “And Shawndee is smart. She’s read many a book. Book learnin’ makes for smartness.” from the “voodoo” Black slave and/or servant Tootiba; the “voodoo” is not exotic enough, however, so Edwards is quick to sketch out that Tootiba’s grandmother was also possessed and possibly impregnated by Satan. Fo’ real. And because no “Indian Romance” is complete without a princess tribute, the heroine goes on to stutter: “A princess? Truly, I will be a princess, like those I have read about in books? A true living breathing princess?” Yeah, chick you’ll be a Seneca princess and your mama is cool with your marriage because your man has “honor… savage honor!”

I’ll wait for y’all to stop vomiting.

I didn’t think anything could be worse until gave me the lowdown on Savage Grace, in which the heroine is killed on page 30 but is told by The Voice that she may return to earth because of her goodness. Again, I can’t make this shit up. She is so special in her white womanhood that she needs to go back to Earth hence there be a shortage of white wimminz for the Indian Braves. And her kid is named Moses. Maybe you can see why I am only on page 30. I don’t expect much, or anything, from Edwards but the severe butchering of the Cherokee language is going to kill me. She has yet to even get one word right. *smh* I am sure the adventures of Standing Wolf and Shawndee Shaylee will give me much to gag on. The other book, Savage Persuasion, looks as awful, but perhaps, more so since we have two “Indian Braves” fighting for the right to own the Porcelain Vagina Brietta (isn’t that an Italian sedan?).

I did take a look-see over at AAR to see if there were any Edwards novels that include two Native characters and I kinda-sorta found one, Savage Joy but the heroine is “half white and half Iroquois” (which doesn’t make sense to me, she would be one of the six nations of the Iroquois Confederacy, yes?) and the hero is Shawnee… and get this, the heroine, her name? Shanndel. Does that rhyme with handle or is it shan-DELL? Either way it’s hideous and I hope Edwards is without offspring because I fear for what they would be called. However, I don’t think I can even take up the experiment of reading another book with prose so purple it explodes with purple:

The tempo of the dance slowed. Panther and Shanndel’s hands came together. “Ni-haw-ku-nah-ga,” Panther said throatily as he pressed himself against her, grinding his loins into her special place, which she arched toward him. “Rain Singing, I take you now as my wife.”

*smh* Now that’s a special kind of we-sha-sha.