Insolent NDN

A friend linked me to this tacky piece of erotica this other day and I swear I had to read the dialogue verbatim to convince myself that hero really did say: “Fucking her ass. Saving her life.” Because, really, what the fuck is that?! This book takes the place of Marry A Man Who Will Dance, which opens with these immortal words:

The Harley roared and bucked and writhed under his muscular thighs as wildly as a fresh border whore. And since he was half-Mexican and half-Anglo, and oversexed to boot, Roque Mayo was just the man to know.

You know I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried. Worst Book Ever Award, this book haz it.

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Due to the flat-out stealing because I have no soul Margaret Seltzer’s memoir fakeoir, I am getting pretty steamed at the we-sha-sha Pretendian crowd. Oh, and we cannot forget Mrs. Cassie Edwards and her Cheyenne grandmother whom she cites as inspiration for her “Indian Romances” like Savage Honor [review forthcoming].

But, okay we got some white women playing at being Indian, ain’t nothing new there, that shit’s as old as the work day is long; I’ve done wrote parody on that shit. It’s a fab combination of the new White Man’s Burden (all the Indians are dead so we need to take up the knowledge and safekeep it for our white children), guilt over living on stolen land and the need to make a legitimate claim on said land (my granddad was 1/24th Chickasaw so we’ve been here a LONG time), and the noble savages being somehow different or better than other People of Color (their governments and schools were so good/they’re so spiritual/they’re so polite/clean/articulate/almost white). And since most white folks think all Indians are dead or if they do know one of us we’re not “real” because we’re light skinned, Black, Hawaiian, Rican, wear blue jeans, have short hair, use pronouns and do not speak in the third person; we’re written off right quick in order to save their fantasy that real Indians are stoic, hard-bodied warriors or demure maidens - think Dances with Wolves, everyone else seems to, right?

So what’s the big deal, it’s irritating but no real harm done, right? WRONG. Here’s my reasoning on why Pretendians are dangerous as all hell and need to be called out, revealed, drug out from behind the curtain and all that shit.

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I’ve decided I am a firefighter today. I don’t know much about being a firefighter, no firefighters in my family but I heard that my great-great grandfather may have worked as a volunteer firefighter in Jackson County back in the day. But, really, I just like the idea of being a firefighter - it’s exciting, well, it *sounds* exciting, and the red truck gets bonus points.

I am a firefighter. I said so. I even Googled “firefighting” to find out a little bit more about what being a firefighter entails (aside from the snazzy uniform and the aforementioned hella cool red truck!) but there was a LOT of information, some of it seemed too academic or too angry (the NYFD seems to be really upset still) so I clicked out of the sites and went to eBay instead to see if I could get a firefighting uniform on the cheap, maybe get it tailored to be a bit more fitted too…

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